Hello TRS readers :)
My name is Kevin Wee, 19 this year. I hope you will take some time to hear my story. I was from Victoria School(VS) and Raffles Junior College. Growing up, I was taught to work and study hard, for it will give me a secure and good future. I excelled in sports and studies, working extremely hard at both. I never had time for a relationship and spent little time going out with friends. I played badminton for VS in sec 1 and 2, and switched to tennis in sec 3 and 4. I achieved a national ranking, which helped me get into RJC through DSA. In RJC, we won a double gold and I represented Singapore in the ASEAN schools games in 2012.
I had everything going for me, and just needed to work hard for A levels, get good grades, and get into medicine. Or so I naively thought. 1 month before the A levels, there was construction above my house. I got nervous and agitated, but managed to compromise and study 14 hrs a day for a month.
First day of As, I was placed at the side of the hall where I never sat before and the aircon was blowing in my face. I have asthma, and I couldn’t breathe properly. I got shifted to a ulu place whr I got distracted by some sounds (prob due to the anxiety) and ""scrwed up"" GP. I went into mild depression and couldn’t concentrate on the following papers (kept worrying where ill sit) I didnt sleep at all before math, and had a complete mental block in both papers, when to the toilet and sat there...handed up 2sheets of paper. Aft that, I wanted to withdraw, but my mum encouraged me and took me to the doc and got medication. I struggled through the rest of the papers...trapped by my thoughts of the future and all kinds of weird sensations that distract me. I barely made it through As and I thought it was going to be fine.
I was wrong. I had death thoughts (of myself getting hanged, getting cut up,etc) and I couldn’t sleep or control them. Aft 4 days of no sleep, I honestly thought without a doubt I was going to die. I was admitted and the doc gave me a sedative. It didn’t work. I lay awake for 4 hrs, and then woke up trembling from head to toe, I called my parents and said ""goodbye"". The doc gave me a stronger sedative and I fell asleep.
Anyway, I was stuck in depression for 4 months...I was suicidal in January. Some of you may be thinking, exams are a very stupid reason to go into depression like that, but it wasn’t my fault per say. I had dreams, I studied exceedingly hard for so many years. To me, my future was gone to trash, all my hard work over 18 yrs rendered useless. Furthermore, my mind was too spent from all that studying and it shut down because it had reached its limit. Depression is as much a physical as it is mental illness.
Somehow, I recovered slowly. In late march, with medication, love, support, and letting go of everything. I told myself, I really don’t need a degree to survive, there are other ways to make ends meet.
One day, as I was watching youtube, I decided hey, I could do that, share my story u know, try and inspire people from there. So I did it. In my first video I shared my story and eventually burned my A level cert. You may think its stupid, but its not. That piece of paper almost murdered me, and its worthless to me now, I never want to see it again. The video is long but the first 1hr20mins is the crux. If its too long to tahan, do try and watch it in parts if you can It has 18k views so far and good reviews. After my video, some people with mental illnesses have also come to me for help. It’s tiring helping them, but nonetheless I will never give up, for I was once that person, desperate and yearning for help.
I also made two subsequent videos where I interviews elderly cleaners and gave out masks during the haze periods. I do not understand why in our country when our GDP is one of the highest in the world, elderly cleaners, whose faces are riddled with wrinkles, have to bend over and clean tables.
Also, after I woke up from the nightmare, I begin to see clearly the shortcomings of the education system. It is cruely competitive and places too much emphasis on grades. From a young age, some parents bombard their children with two preschools, piano classes, tuition, sports classes, you name it. Children should be able to enjoy their childhood and slowly find their dreams, not having them forced on them. Because parents want “the best” for their child’s future, they may unknowingly put too much stress on kids from a young age. I remember clearly during my PSLE results, a boy was crying over the phone in the toilet, saying “Mummy, sorry, I got below 200, how?” No child at the age of 12 should feel that their life is over because of a stupid piece of paper.
In secondary schools, many “neighbourhood” school kids are struggling to keep up with the content of the O levels with 6-8 subjects, and face tremendous stress. Some simply give up, and worse still develop mental illness. These claims are not made into jest. For my upcoming videos, I’ve interviewed “neighbourhood school” kids and this is what they tell me. So too do taxi driver uncles (about their sons) whom I talk to.
Of course, when grades are held in high regard, there are other perils and implications on society like elitism and social stratification, which are also serious problems.
Also, though my interactions with my new friends, I realised I was very sheltered, and I finally see the neglected side of society-namely people with disabilities, mental illnesses, learning disabilities and the elderly.
Coming out of depression, I have a clearer dream and conviction; That is to inspire a more inclusive, loving Singapore, where we look out for those falling through the cracks, for those crushed under the weight of a fast paced society, for those who are underprivileged and in need of help. I hope you can give my channel on youtube a chance and help to achieve that dream together as Singaporeans :)
Kevin Wee
TRS Contributor