Sexism against men
In my personal view, i would definitely choose to be a girl in Singapore.
Other reasons are not having to do NS. From what I heard from many male friends, many enlist with a heart to serve only to end up being disillusioned by red tape, inefficiency or the attitudes of many middle-management. Furthermore, many NSFs are not really appreciated by some in society.
I think the two main points which I will focus on in this two post would be about societal perceptions and sexism + our womens charters.
Firstly, society seems to hold double standards for men.
I have discussed some examples that apply to men and women in general in my previous post about how they have been unfairly socialized. For men, they are expected never to admit weakness, confusion or doubt, and struggle with loneliness because of it.
Due to existing stereotypes when manipulative women take over, it seems as though they can use societal perception to their advantage.
A good photographer friend of mine was involved in a scandal earlier this year in Singapore in February.
He admitted to having sex with an 18-year-old model and was flamed by the online community for it. They said things like how he took advantage of her or 'breached the sacred trust between photographers and models'. They also said she should have been 'careful about who she did the shoot with'
Even from her own account, she made herself seem victimized when any person will know she was being horny.
This unfairness is caused because people are socially conditioned to believe women are the weaker sex, needing of protection, vulnerable and oh-so-angelic.
In fact, in many situations which we have encountered, sometimes some women use this societal perception of them to their advantage, to get things done. Just think about the situations of 'friend zone' where the girl uses the guy to do all kinds of things for her? Angelic & vulnerable? I don't think so.
Personally I blame taiwan / chinese dramas which equate pretty+gentle+feminine woman to goodness and all wholesomeness. It makes people blindly believe such stereotypes because they are socially-engineered to do so since young.
Besides the very wrong fundamental beliefs that women are always the victim being taken advantaged of even when they are willing....for other very rational reasons, I do not think my friend was in the wrong:
- It is a consensual act between two willing parties with sexual desires and drives
- This occurred between two adults as defined by the law, the woman is of legal age to decide for herself who she wants to sleep with.
If you think about it, there are actually underlying sexism to this. Let's think about the opposite situation.
If the photographer was female, and the model was male and this happened... do you think the woman will be accused of being lecherous, taking advantage or seen as 'unprofessional'. A thousand times, no!
This double standards are placed on men over and over again even though women too have sexual drives,needs and desires.
Another case of double standards would be how the online community was so outraged and empathizing with the woman when a Chinese man sued his wife for being ugly.
Since women are primarily valued for their looks in society and men for their income, what if the situation was reversed? The man lied to the wife about his income and she sues him. The critical questions to ask are .... Would society be so kind to empathize with him? He didn't choose to be poor afterall. No, they would side the woman.
Secondly, laws in Singapore seem very unfair to men.
In the Darinne Ko sex-for-grades case, even though she had been the one who bribed the professor, her degree is not revoked and she escapes from the law. In contrast, the professor is seen for 'exploiting the vulnerability' or 'taking advantage' of her.
Given such a situation, if they were in a romantic relationship and things turn sour, what is stopping women for using this law and how society sides them against men?
Besides the issue of sex, even divorce laws seem to be unfair. You can also read this case on TRS about how family violence and divorce laws can be unfair to men.
The Womens Charter is severely outdated. Here are some of the expectations of men:
- The women's charter makes it obligatory for a husband to maintain his wife and children during marriage and after divorce.
- Court may order maintenance of wife and children Any married woman whose husband neglects or refuses to provide her reasonable maintenance may apply to a District Court or a Magistrate’s Court and that Court may, on due proof thereof, order the husband to pay a monthly allowance or a lump sum for her maintenance.
The charter doesn't seem to perceive men as human beings. Throughout the whole list, they are talking about the needs of the ex wife while completely ignoring the needs and welfare of the husband.It is as though the husband is a non human whose needs and welfare are completely disregarded.
Also, the Women’s Charter is not updated to reflect the changes in society and to promote a more gender neutral approach to marriage. Has it ever occured to you... what is the husband earns less? Even if the husband earns $1000 per month while the ex wife makes $10,000 per month that husband earning $1000 per month must still spend money from his miserable $10,000 to support his ex wife who earns $50,000 per month? Think about how ridiculous this situation would be if they had divorced because she cheated or she abused him?
Other relevant questions are -- What if it was the wife who cheated on the husband? What is the child doesn't even belong to him biologically?
On the issue of child custody, there also seems to be an underlying assumption that children are better off with their mother after separation, and only in quite extreme cases are fathers awarded custody. In a truly equal society, should such an assumption exist? A significant body of research as I mentioned in my previous post - Men should be allowed to cry- has shown that the role of the father plays a very critical role in the child's upbringing as well.
Besides the woman charter, I believe the 377A is also unfair to men. What if a guy is raped by another male? The law itself will prevent him from speaking out. If he does, he faces the risk of becoming a criminal which worsens his situation of already feeling emasculated and traumatized.
Just to let you know, men can be raped, even by females. Much like female erectile response, male erectile response is involuntary,meaning that a man need not be aroused for his penis to become erect and be placed in a woman's vagina. Mechanical stimulation is all that is necessary.
I urge the relevant authorities to revise these outdated and unfair legislation. If it's role is to promote gender equality, then it shouldn't do so at the expense of the other.
If you are reading this post and agree with my ideas, I hope you can drop all unhealthy gender expectations of men and women which could be unfair to them.
Jeraldine Phneah
Jeraldine Phneah, 22, is a prominent socio-political blogger and founder of nonprofit organization, Creatives For Causes. As a rationalist, Jeraldine highly discourages personal attacks against any party and instead, promotes constructive criticism that targets policies, stimulates debate and helps everyone find a better solution. Her vision is for Singapore to evolve into a strong and successful civil society where active citizens and the government can collaborate to improve society.
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