There’s no help for paedophiles in Singapore, and if there is, it isn’t readily available or advertised. For people like 25-year-old Teck (let’s just call him Teck for this story), there’s no one he can turn to when he needs a shoulder to lean on. With the number of sex with minor cases occurring in Singapore, perhaps there should be a hotline, or organisation which people can turn to when they need help. This story is a follow-up to the one published in July on high youth suicide rates. This is Teck’s story of his struggle with his attraction to young girls, or more specifically, girls around the age of 12 to 15 years old:
“I used to surf a lot of child porn on the internet. It was easy to find. There was this website called “jailbait” and you could specify the age of the girls you were looking for but now it’s been shut down. There were a lot of young girls shown on the website. Most of them are white girls. Some of them are naked, but most are wearing either bikinis or bras and panties. I don’t know who took them, but I enjoyed masturbating to them. I could feel sexual attraction to older women, but not as much as I felt when I looked at girls.
I kind of knew I was attracted to young girls when I was about 16 years old. When I went online to look for pornography, somehow I always felt more turned on when I saw pictures of younger girls. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because they look more untouched and innocent, not like many of the women today. When you go on Tinder (a dating app), you see meet girls and most of those I’ve met have already had sex before. Or, maybe it’s an insecurity that I feel. Maybe I’m afraid that I can’t perform up to expectations. I don’t know.
There’s once, I saw this girl from a convent school walking alone. It looks like she was going home. My sexual urge took over. In my mind, I wanted to touch her small breasts. I wanted to lift her skirt and pull down her panties and put my xxxx into her. I wanted to hear her cry. I wanted her to feel shame that she wasn’t a virgin anymore. But I stopped myself. I couldn’t do it. It would shame myself and my parents. I read about that paedophile scholar in the newspapers. He shouldn’t have had sex with those girls. Online pornography is one thing, but think about the future of those girls, what they have to live through.
When I realised that I was this kind of person, I tried my best to stop. It’s very difficult. Sometimes you just think that it’d be better if I just killed myself and not hurt anybody, but that’s not easy too. Sometimes I see school girls on the street and I feel like touching them. I want to feel their soft, and untouched bodies, bodies that feel pure. All those times, I’ve always managed to stop myself. I can’t bear to make those girls go through the rest of their life feeling the same shame that I feel.
Over time, the urge just became stronger. I knew I had to do something. No, not touching those girls lah. Something as in, I had to get help. It’s not easy to know that you’re a monster that society despises, or would send to jail without batting an eyelid. It’s not easy. I went to see a psychiatrist, and I’m still seeing one now to keep myself in control. Every day is a struggle. I hope that one day I will manage to overcome this and lead a normal life and start a normal family.
I’m sure there are other people like me in Singapore. It can’t be that I’m the only one. I hope that there’s a kind of hotline that people like me can call when we need help, so that when the urge comes, we won’t do anything stupid that will hurt people, especially these innocent people.”
Teck was close to tears when he told me this story. Sometimes he paused, but he was very brave to carry on. This is his shout-out, his cry. I don’t know how to help him, though I wish I could. I can only hope that his goodness will carry him, and that his therapy will help him change. We have suicide hotline. Maybe it’s time that our social workers thought of helping people like Teck, people who would be called weirdos or criminals, but really are just normal people fighting themselves to lead the lives of normal people. Like you, and me.
Source: http://redwiretimes.com/cow-beh-cow-bu/singaporean-paedophiles-plea-like...