So the World Cup fever is still burning and they say football is a game of two halves, year 2014 has played out its 1st half. Close around us, tragedy befell a South Korean ferry while a Malaysian passenger plane disappeared virtually into thin air. Thailand returned to junta rule while India welcomed a new elected Prime Minister. Meanwhile Indonesians are heading to the polls.
On the homefront, Little Red Dot played out its own eventful half. It took an Ang Moh to lit the first flame of controversy when he mocked public transport commuters with his facebook posts. Thanks to a former Miss Universe finalist, wearing shirt with holes became de rigeur again.
It was soap opera galore all over the island as it had its first kidnapping since 2003. Repeated intrusions at the border tested the frontline officers and our patience. Orchard Road became the talking point on xenophobia. About 1,500 Failpass (pardon the oxymoron) accounts were compromised according to “I Dio-Hacked Already” (aka IDA). The island also saw the return of more dead bodies, a legless body and many busybodies.
Public transport came to the fore once again when a fare hike was disapprovingly approved. Many felt it was an unreasonable hike in light of declining service standards. Some did a sleepy protest while others kicked out their frustrations at buses. Changes were subsequently announced to the operating and ownership structure of public transport assets, but details are currently murky at best.
Problems in public transport seem to trickle down to motorists. Road rage is prevalent in this country where electronic gantries, speed cameras and car cameras capture your every move. The woes in transport framework ruffled the feathers of many angry drivers, motorcyclists, toddlers included.
Vandalism came under the spotlight as Michael Fay wannabes took freedom of expression to a whole new level. From young punks to old-timers, it brought the popularity of the country’s dominant political party to dizzying heights, literally right through the roof.
On a positive note, the number of millionaires has risen by about 5%. So it wasn’t surprising when a billionaire bought over a debt-ridden Spanish football club. Used pregnancy test kits aided by a casino skyline became the main campaign drive to boost tourist arrivals and falling birthrates, this signalling a clever use of resources.
Meanwhile, there were encouraging signs of Little Red Dot becoming a more open society depending on how you look at it, from the back or in full frontal glory. The island certainly has come a long way painting the town in 50 shades of pink despite overwhelming pressure from non-secular groups.
The first half of this year has also seen Little Red Dot breaking records and topping charts. Records-wise, it had the largest chinese orchestra drum ensemble and largest Chinese orchestra performance at the newly opened Sports Hub.
Ranking-wise, it topped the world standings this year for being the most expensive city (note: the ranking was based on costs for expatriates). This island is actually an expensive city in more ways than one, one of which you pay $120 for the right to hawk your tissue ware. If you want something slightly cheaper, you can always pay $112 to watch the World Cup. Ultimately, if you want to unknowingly pay more for some service which you were not informed of explicitly, you could too (thanks to sneaky telcos). But their way of subterfuge wasn’t successful due to intervention from the authorities.
The biggest story of this first half was a dinner invite to discuss retirement money issues. The Prime Master Chef instructed his cook, Ah Singh, to serve up a defamation soup to a food critic named Roy. He even threw in complimentary beverage and delicacies likeTeh Sue-Sue (local tea), Sue-shi (aka Sushi), Sue-riyaki(aka Teriyaki) Chicken and Sue-you (aka Shoyu) Ramen.
Roy, ever the lightning rod of controversy, brought out the curmudgeon in Prime Master. Lawyer letters and emails to foreign press were shooting and flying as both sides prepared for World War A to Z. Man, i tell you, it look like the end of the world in Roy-maggaedon. The onerous task of deciphering The DaVinder-ed Code landed squarely on Roy’s shoulders. To help fund his legal costs, he raised in excess of $100K (surpassing his $70K target) in less than 2 weeks, a feat that legends like Pastor ConHee and Golden Tap Durai would envy. To quote Forrest Gump: “Life is like a pot of defamation soup, you never know what you gonna get”. (donations, the sack and international media coverage).
Many dubbed this defamation soup as the battle of Critic versus Chef, David versus Goliath, School Geek versus School Bully, Roy-rry Potter versus Lee-zilla and some say Instant Noodles versus the increasingly popular Penang White Curry Instant Noodles. This was truly a showdown of epic proportions. In Barney Stinson’s lingo, this was legend… wait for it…roy-gendary, thats right, roy-gendary, not legendary. Prime Master was so besotted and infatuated with Roy, I tell you, it is a bad roy-mance in the making. According toBomoh GaGa, either he loves Roy or he loathes him.
Coincidentally, this defamation soup started the incontrovertible, genuine National Conversation. It sparked a fervent discussion in the country, from the garrulous uncles, aunties and retirees in kopitiams, to financial experts and even self-aggrandising politicians. This time, there were no televised dialogue sessions with selective participants, vetted questions and scripted responses. You know it is a real National Conversation when you get a public seating fixture to start talking.
To top off with dessert, Sous Chef, Low Geh Khiang served up a bittersweet concoction of “constructive politics” in Parliament to the Prime Master. Amidst the gastronomical battle royale, it prompted another food critic, Catty Lim, to write a vitriolic open letter critisizing the current kitchen adminstration’s erosion of trust from its patrons. She is no Do Min-joon, but she is definitely My Food Critic From The Star.
The cacophony of chatter on retirement funds divided people’s opinions on the defamation soup. Frustration threatened to boil over when a loquacious old lady pleaded at an open dialogue session for her retirement monies to be returned.
My advice to this lady: Relax aunty, take a breather and queue patiently for 30 minutes of your time for some tasty chicken wings, like what this uncle did.
But for those of you who value your time, I paraphrase these atas words of wisdom from a former public transport council member:
“If you treasure your time and treasure your chicken wings, you pay a premium – there are premium bus services. If you value your time and comfort even more, buy a car. And then ultimately, get a chauffeur.”
That wraps up this report. I may have to charge you a derisory fee of $5,000 after you read it. Just kidding, I don’t sue-ka sue-ka charge my friends and readers. Meanwhile, I am going off to queue for the chicken wings.
Blogger’s Note:
All actual names/terms/titles were intentionally modified for libel prevention purposes. Videos and pictures were added to stretch readers’ imagination and enhance visualization.
THEUNCLEFLIPSPRATA
*Article first appeared on http://theuncleflipsprata.wordpress.com/2014/07/05/red-dot-2014-the-half...