"I have seen many posts about parents recently. They make the inside of me jump a little. This is a confession from a mummy’s boy. I have been tagged or labelled by many as the mummy’s boy.
"If I was going to stay out late, I would call my mum to let her know. Before I went home or after a meal out with my friends, I would call back to see if mum needed anything like food or household stuff.
"I used to hate it when my friends teased me about it. But they had no idea what was happening in my life. When I was young, spending every cent or even buying food in school had always been an issue.
"Sometimes, I would starve just so I could save a little and I would lie to my friends that I was on a diet. Strangely, I was still quite a fat kid back then.
"I never once bought anything extra for myself or even toys. I would say 95% of my toys were actually from others. I have forgotten how many times the water and electricity at home was cut off and I had to go to the void deck to study.
"My mum always felt bad about this, that she was not giving her kid the best. That’s when I started to hate my dad. I always wondered why he didn’t bother much about my studies and my well-being. He was almost non-existent in my life.
"In my memories of my childhood, I can only remember my mum carrying me and dancing around. The times when we sat down and share a bowl of dessert, which was a luxury to us I feel.
"I remember the time when I pooped in my pants when I was much younger, and the time when I lost my school shorts during a swimming lesson. My mum was always there to save me from further embarrassment.
"Without her, I would have been so lost. At home, we ate all kinds of Maggie Mee, bread and biscuits. But these hardships bonded us together even more. When I was in army or working after my ORD period, I would try my best to have dinner with mum everyday, even if I am very hungry during office hours after my lunch.
"I couldn’t save much but I still felt happier being able to buy her better food. I always thought I would repay her when I had the chance to in future for being the loveliest and toughest woman that has stood by me throughout most of my life.
"But before I could do that, she left me. The day when she left me, I felt as though my world had crumbled. I was over-reliant on her for support, advice and company, and suddenly I was left all alone.
"But I know deep inside, she wanted me to live well, be a son that she would be proud of. That is the only thing I can do to repay her. I regret spending so much time working and not keeping her company instead, because I wanted to be more financially self-sufficient.
"I regret occasionally going out late late and making her worry for me. I regret not doing the best I could, but I did try.
"I began trying hard to understand my dad and to talk to him more often. I began to see the good in him and not the bad. I tried hard not to question the past but focus on the future. I no longer want to bear the hatred within me and let it overwhelm me.
"Loving someone is always better than hating him. I know my mum loved him, and as his child I should love him too. I know humans are not perfect; we all have our good and bad sides. I tried hard to salvage our relationship and it did work out pretty well I would say.
"In order to move further, we sometimes have to put down past burdens and the hatred or hard feelings that have weighed us down. Forgiveness isn't easy but it’s not impossible. I wouldn’t say my father had done anything wrong to deserve my forgiveness.
"But I have learnt to let go of my hatred and live with love. I admit I really live much better now. I do not know what the future holds for me and I really hope I have managed to put everything behind me, but I just want to share this with everyone out there.
"1) Cherish your loved ones and don’t ever give yourself a chance to regret.
"2) Sometimes, humans tend to remember the bad things people have done to them and overlook the small good things people have been doing. Search harder for those good things and be appreciative and grateful for them. Well at least my father provided me with shelter, water and electricity which is already a lot better than many others.
"3) Hatred will only burden and weigh you down without any benefits. Love will bring you further in life. Being appreciative of others and showing compassion to others will make your life better and happier. Sometimes happiness has to be built from within and searched for in the surroundings.
"4) Show your love and concern in every way, every chance you can. It can be in the most subtle form of asking how the day is for them, a hug or just simply a smile. You never know how big an impact you can have on your parents, family or friends.
"5) The tragedy of life is not death but what we allow to die inside of us while we live. Let’s not let the love, the kindness or anything good die inside us. Let the things that weighed us down like hatred, jealousy and regrets die instead. It isn't going to be easy but it’s not impossible.
"I sincerely wish that this post will help people to think a little more by sharing my thoughts and experience. I hope it helps you get better and more appreciative of life."
Anonymous TRS reader