A whole slew of online articles have surfaced regarding the experience of dating an army boy. The most recent one told the story of a young flight stewardess who turned a blind eye to her man’s feelings and got caught up in her highflying (pun intended!) and exciting life. Fortunately, she came to a point of realization and resolved to be a good partner thus saving her relationship. One must admit that she happened to be blessed with a man who somehow decided to put up with her despite the neglect.
For those of you who would like to avoid the sticky path she took, read on. I would like to share how I’ve been keeping the flame alive with my NS boyfriend in hopes that it will help some of you along.
1. Prepare yourself.
I don’t mean spend every waking hour together although I know we all want more cuddle time before he is shipped away to the island of Tekong.
- Do discuss the mutual expectations. Do the both of you agree on how the precious weekends will be split between his family, friends and you? Does he mind you clubbing alone or with certain male friends he doesn’t trust? These are just some off the top of my head. Each relationship is unique.
- Time to switch modes, girl. This is how I did it. Know this – I am easily one of the most demanding people you will ever meet I have great expectations in every aspect of life. However, I made it clear to myself that I would be faithful, sensitive and practice compromise throughout his service.
I constantly read the famous bible verse 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 with a sincere wish to follow it. I found that it was particularly helpful.
2. Communicate
No, it is not okay to keep mum about your feelings and expect your boyfriend to know. Communicate with him and he’ll be there for you. I promise.
In one instance, I made a huge blunder with my university applications. When I noticed and tried to salvage the situation, it was too little too late. I told him about it and cried over the phone. In return, I got a heartfelt reply reminding me that my value and happiness should not be determined by such things. It deepened my love for him and I believe that it strengthened our relationship. So yes, please communicate. Not leave vague tweets and Facebook statuses for his inferring. (Yes, you – the girl with the emo lyrics.)
Ask him what he needs from you. I did. And he answered, “To feel loved and secure.” You don’t always have to devise some elaborate plan to please him or spend all your allowance/ pay on some frivolous present. They are a little like us: small gestures count.
With the exception of the evening I dozed off unplanned, I’ve dropped him a Good Morning message everyday since his enlistment. Sometimes its short and other times it is accompanied by a photo, a motivational quote or something comical. Either way, he told me that he’s highly appreciative of it which makes me pleased!
This might seem like a chore for some so just do what works for you guys!
3. Persevere
My man and I never had the privilege of the “honeymoon period”. Shortly after we started dating, he enlisted. Trust me, we were initially apprehensive of making it through at all. It doesn’t matter whether you guys have dated for years or just weeks.
Don’t listen to the horror stories of army couples breaking up. During Chinese New Year, my uncle recounted the time three of his drunk army mates sat by the roadside crying after their relationships failed. Like any one of you, I was terrified of getting my heart broken and not lasting the tough times (I still am…) but I knew that if I wanted this to work, I could succeed.
That being said, I would like to caution that some guys are simply not worth it. If you are certain that he doesn’t respect you and your time and has generally stopped putting in effort for your relationship (and it isn’t just you being a spoilt brat), go ahead and do what you have to. But if he is indeed a gem – much like the one I’ve found – who is worth your time and commitment, hold on tight. You will be rewarded by a relationship that has been thoroughly tested and ready to be taken to the next level in time to come.
(Note: I encourage success stories to be left in the comments. We need an NSGF support group!)
gurl
*The writer blogs at http://justonethingbeforeigo.wordpress.com/