A beautiful mother of three from the Atlanta sent me a screenshot. It was a chart collated from the results of an international survey conducted by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) I'll share it with you here.
Numerous discussions can be formed from the results but I will not be sharing my thoughts outside what isn't my business. So that will be narrowed down to Australia and Singapore, of course. Some background about the survey first. Happiness was ranked based on the percentage of students who agreed or disagreed with the statement “I feel happy at school.” Test scores were ranked based on the combined individual rankings of the students’ math, reading, and science scores.
Naturally I rubbed my eyes twice, with my fingers first then concentrated Dettol, when I saw the results: Australian and Singaporean kids are unhappy and sibei happy respectively in schools. So what went wrong here? Wait - I'll explain my reaction. All along I thought kids in Australia enjoy school way more than kids in Singapore do. After all, we all know the situation in the Singapore education system so let's not pretend there is nothing in something. Well, you will understand my point of view if you consider these people around my life:
I receive emails from Singaporeans regularly asking me how to get the hell out of Singapore because they didn't want to subject their kids through the education system.
The Duchess of the Brook brought her child to Perth and became a 陪读妈妈 in Perth and still reminded me of long-forgotten history how I "helped" her (don't think I did, really) by thanking me profusely with a touching text every end of the year since she arrived.
Ninja nurse gave me a resounding, "GOOD" when I asked how was Rei-i coping in school here after her abrupt move.
Thusara's charismatic young prince blended in so well in just a year that I spotted him joining in a game of cricket with strangers during an outing.
According to Jac, Chloe has been enjoying school. I observed that she speaks with an Aussie accent already. Hopefully she doesn't grow up to join a K-pop singing contest, come third and tell the media, "Though I was born in Singapore, I regard Australia as my home," because some Singaporeans will then blast her for her "fake accent." and disregard everything else she wants to say.
Meefong told me they moved to give their children a holistic education.
Cedric, who just came last month or so, took the leap into the unknown for his son.
I can go on
So my life was all but a lie? These people must pay!
I've got to calm down. I don't want to walk around the town with a murderous look like I used to in Singapore. Let's give the Singaporean community in Perth the benefit of doubt and re-look into the survey done by OECD. We can't possibly assume validity of a survey just because it was conducted by some AMDK (Ang Mo Dua Ki) I am pretty sure OECD didn't send a team to survey a group of Singaporean students specifically. That would take years to complete the number of countries included in the study. Perhaps the task was delegated to the school staff. First thing first, was the survey sample taken from a particular school or from a number of random schools? For sure, I'd expect a big variance in the results from school to school. What do expect a child to say if he is surrounded by assholes compared to the elite child of the R-school with a future paved out all the way to a seat in the Parliament House?
I wondered what was the method of survey too. Was it a questionnaire or an interview?
I'd imagine a questionnaire survey to go this way in a Singapore school.
Teacher: Class, today we are going to do a survey. Please answer the question truthfully. Pupils who answered "Unhappy" will be interviewed by the school Principal for feedback.
and an interview process in a Singapore school to go this way;
Teacher: Li Chen, are you happy in school?
Li Chen: Uh, yes cher but...
Teacher: Ok thank you Li Chen. *shove* Belerin it's your turn!
Ha. That reminded me of my National Service days. Bear with me as I reminisce old times. During my days was end of "Army Cooks" and the earliest inception of the Singapore Food Industries (SFI) to the cookhouses of the army. I heard standards have since improved by leaps and bounds. That is great for my Singaporean brothers because I can't help but recall how the service folks behind the counter would slam their ladles on my plate with a smirk despite my pleas of, "Yandao, mai zhup tolong tolooooong.... ... (chee bye)"
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Can you spot those assholes? |
So I would be left with a PLATEFUL of tri-gravy consisting of loh zhup, kali zhup and transparent vegetable ooze swirling like a whirlpool on top of the badly prepared ingredients they called food. They reckoned since we chaorecruits can camo our faces with crayons, that was their style to conceal their inferior products. Seperately, for someone who had 8 years of FnB experience in my pocket, they couldn't fool my eyes. I could trace the process whereby the steamed fish on Mondays would be converted to hard fried fish (shrunk in size because of the loss of moisture) on Wednesdays and curry fish (even smaller and harder) on Fridays. Now to the main point. Every now and then there would be a "survey day" for the SFI. Everyone who took a meal was supposed to take a plastic coin (probably recycled from their after-hours Mahjong games) and slot it into one of the options provided by rectangular steel box. The three options were "Good", "Satisfactory" and "Shitty" or "Spastic Food" or whatever it should be, my memory fails me.
On the first "Election Day", I slotted a coin into the last option like a boss. I was startled when a booming voice came, "Why you put that!" I looked up and saw a pair of bulging eyes starting at me. Seeing that he was a non-SAF staff, I replied, "Lousy what," and walked off, observing that pair of eyes still staring at me from the side of my eye. Make a smart guess how the guy behind me would have voted. Interestingly, on the second voting session a few good weeks (or months?) later, there was a Warrant (Messing?) Officer standing behind the steel poll box. I placed my coin in "Satisfactory." That was as far as I could push my conscience, in view of a smooth booking out process at the end of the week. So much for surveying. Why did they even bother? SFI would still win the tender even if they serve nuclear waste. It didn't help matters when I observed most of my platoon mates voting "Satisfactory". When I asked them what they thought of the food, nothing good came out of their mouths. If our soldiers did not even have the balls to voice out, how do you expect our school children to give a non-socially correct answer? If you think about it, these children are a reflection of ourselves. We were trained to be conformists right from the start. If you want to know the extent of our poison, just look at how Singaporeans sneered and jeered at the singing red haired girl who voiced her opinions. We are so deep into it that we do not even allow the others to be different just because we will not be.
You may want to accuse me for trying too hard to force my own beliefs here. I'll put things clear. There is absolutely no way children in Singapore are happier than the children in Australia in schools. There is no doubt about it at all, unless there is a significant difference in the definition of happiness on both sides. You have to observe both sides (not rely on hearsay) to understand why people like us (with the privilege to compare) will not give a moment of hesitation if we are asked the same questions. Or better, ask the young people who really mattered - the Singaporean kids who have been there, done that on both sides - to compare. I'll wager my last banana what their answers will be. Don't be tempted to take it up if you can't afford to lose yours.
No doubt, our MCYS would be happy to get hold of the OECD results. The media would gladly spread the love via their propaganda towers and my people will gulp it down. Yum, yum. We are too busy to stop for a second to think. When it comes to happiness, do we really need a survey? If we cannot even tell the difference between happiness and pain, it is no wonder our kids are jumping off buildings.
A Singaporean Son
*The writer blogs at http://asingaporeanson.blogspot.com/